So usually I write of lighter things (food, fitness, wellness, biz) or science/health things (body, disease, skincare) so this is a little off the map for me.
Because my work life is so public as media, hosting, social and events, this makes me even more protective of my personal life. And with my schedule its easier to not date than to date.
As of late I’ve had a lot in inquiry into my dating life, people still asking me if I’m still with an ex (because I’m sneaky when we break up), why I’m not married and wondering if I get lonely?
Truth be told I don’t think I’m great at dating – I’m great in a long term relationship or single working woman (reads: workaholic)! The last few months I’ve done a lot of contemplating what it means to be single and my opinion as a woman in her 30’s in Toronto.
AM I LONELY?
DO I WANT TO GET MARRIED?
DATE SOMEONE IN THE INDUSTRY?
AM I afraid of commitment? Etc etc. Okay so I guess this will be a tad vulnerable for me but in hopes that other women (and men) who are entrepreneurs (or any demanding and busy af workplace) and feel the pressures to pair up with someone. And just IMO what I’ve figured out in my 20+ years of dating (oh gawd).
TRUTH: I love being in a relationship. I’m a better person in it. I’m caring, attentive and supportive. I actually take better care of myself (sometimes) in it. I’ve dating some amazing people (still pals) and some not so nice and they’ve all shaped me into the human I am now. Treat each person with gratitude. Good, bad and horrible – they will shape you, teach you, show your different versions of love and how to love. Oh life things.
WANT vs. NEED: The more I snuggled into my 30’s the less it was about need, and finding more want. I was more secure, independent, confident and able to love someone properly. Reality was that of the three long term relationships I’ve had, I’ve learned but none were an actually partnership. One was what I thought the love of my life for truthfully on and off (in between other relationships) for 15 years. YIKES. He is an amazing person, but I grew out of him and didn’t want to admit it. The other two – one I stayed too long and he was abusive, toxic and I lost myself for awhile. The latter was a true gent through and through – but we weren’t destined to be. Once you figure what you want, need and DON’T WANT – I promise you its an incredible tool. Downside it can take years to figure it out and its always a learning curve.
PRESSURE: The pressure to procreate, marry, be the house wife, quit your job (I’ve had it all) – it still surrounds us, I get traditions and such but I was never the “fantasize about the big wedding” type of girl. Travel, work, school all these came first… I have been close a few times but left them before it was too late for both of us. DO NOT APOLOGIZE if you would rather hit the ground running, travel for life, date all of the people or what not. Only you can be you, and no person has the power or right to box you into some archaic “box” or presumed notion of what a woman ( or man) should be.
WHAT I WANT: Ha ha so I am currently single. Looking for more balance and a partner. In family and friends I am surrounded by the most amazing people – MEN wtf. I have some doozies – either on dates, creepers, randoms, you name it. Where are all the single, kind, hilarious, can dress themselves MEN hiding in the city. I mean I’ve dated a New Yorker because it was easy, he was available and looking to build a life (mind you he ended up a sociopath – and there are 3 girls that know who this is. LOL). I digress here is my list (and many other fierce single women I know) , and I don’t think I’m asking for a miracle:
- Kind hearted & family guy (kids are fine). A little sweet. Not sickeningly so, but a nice sweet guy that will make me coffee in bed when its -35 sort of thing.
- Genuine. A real man that is the same guy with different people, crowds, events etc.
- Hilarious. I mean looks do initiate but laughter is forever (we hope). I think I’m pretty funny myself so consider yourself lucky!
- Independent: I’m pretty busy most days and until we are a thing, work and friends/fam will come first. I’ve experienced needy and jealous types where they make me feel shitty about work and goals. Keep moving.
- BONUSES: Likes food, travel, cheesy movies, pizza, can dress himself for different events and happenings, understands my quirks. Oh and can call me out on my shit.**
LONELY: I often get asked “Am I lonely?”. My truth. Of course. It’s human nature to pair off with someone. I’m very fortunate for all that I have, but yes sometimes it would be nice to have a dinner date (not just a pal or 3rd wheel) or come home to someone after a long day of work*. (*means netflix and rub my feet)
HOW TO BE SINGLE IN THE CITY: (IMO) Myself (and pals) tend to date older and men keep dating younger so I guess that works atm. The pressures are tough though: be thin, be funny, be successful (but not too much or busy), etc etc. ITS HARD AF. Plus we have to think about safety – sexual and environment, being drugged, raped, we always have to have 1007 things on our brains for one date. SO here’s what I’ve learned and will keep applying until I find someone to share my life with: BE SAFE. GO with your gut. You want to leave a date 1/2 way through. Do it. Be kind. Be open to new people. Don’t settle on a type. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your work hours, friends, life WHATEVER. BE YOU. Have lady dates. Kill your goals. As they say “people come into your life when you’re not looking”. I mean its not rocket science but hey maybe it helps to hear it from a neutral source (me).
Not sure if this helped or if anyone will actually read this one. Should I throw a recipe in for good measure? Questions? TIPS? You know how to reach us!
Happy long weekend to my fellow Canadians and to everyone else xoxo
*Some may say I didn’t address the topic of children – OH that’s a whole other blog 🙂